bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem.
Salaam.
I am a demon. I used to think that they think I am one. But actually it's not their fault but mine, as I think I am, So I am.
Garbage in, garbage out, garbage in.
I feel more responsible for everything. More than the others.
I daresay that I know more than them, or ought to know more than them, or perceive that I know more...
...but my actions portray as if I don't know at all.
And Allah says that those who know but does not act upon that knowledge, will be the FIRST to be receive their punishments.
And I certainly do not want that!!
It's not the matter of first or second or last to be punished...I do not want to be punished at all!!
But my actions............I want to change. But what's pulling me?? I dont want to get associated with anything, I dont want people to get harmed by me. I am a beast. And I hate when people say good things about me. Cuz They are fake. And I hate to look good, cuz my actions don't look good. My attitude stinks.
.... worse than ever.
so for now, i'm glad that i've no close friends. i'm glad that i'm alone. i pick up advices here and there. i am in search of the truth. i cry alone. i laugh alome. especially when i see SOcial psychology in action.heh.
I know Allah doesnt hate me. But He hates what I am doing. I dare not say I love Him, cuz if I really do, then surely I wil follow what His Beloved say: Have mercy on others on Earth, those in the Heavens will have mercy on you.
I am SO NOT Merciful.
How can I turn this awful weakness into an amazaing strength??
O Lord, guide me.....Ya Rasulullah, do not reject me....
