Am listening to 'Swear it again' by Westlife.

Oh dear...I'm such in a confused state.Really I am.They say "love is blind". Yes it is.Indeed.They say "first love is true".I don't know anything about my 'true love'.Everytime I let it out to my friends, they say the time will come.We know it will some day somehow.We just do.My peep told me that twice.Not once but twice, yeah.She said that maybe he's my really my true love, which is why I can't forget him no matter how hard I pretend to. Oh sheesh. I make a bad liar. I can't lie.I can't pretend. I can't fake at all.

But if it is so, then why am I denying my feelings for him? Because I'm afraid.Yes, afraid of the consequences.Afraid of Him. But the feelings are from Him. So it isn't wrong to develop them. It is part and parcel of life. Oh my. How I wish I had not been so fickle-minded. But you know, the eyes play an important role in this case. I'm really practising Ghaddhul Basar. *sighs tearfully*

Everytime he sees me, I would turn away, like I would do to any other guys. But with him, I'd do it simultaneously.And then I'd develop a sense of regret.But I know, lust will just develop if I don't do so.

Peers keep saying he has a bad personality. Yes, I've seen it for myself, for sure. But lately, he's different. Allahu Akbar.. I really do not understand my own feelings. Why is it so?

I keep telling myself,

"He's not worth loving. Please, forget him. He's insolent. He goes for pretty girls.. He's like that.."

But this heart of bricks [lol] just won't listen. I want to turn him over a new leaf. He's a great guy, I know. I feel sympathetic because he does not receive the love of a father and a mother. How pity is that? No, I don't fall for him out of sympathy but...I just want to help him. Is it wrong for me to do so?
Can't I help him? Can't I be his friend for once? Can't I conduct a conversation with him, just a short quick conversation? Can't I greet him 'good morning'? Can't I pray for him everytime we bump into each other?

It isn't a sin to befriend a guy.Only that we've got to know our limits. I know.There are limitations in BGR, I know about that. *sighs again*.

Allah knows best.